Tuesday, 17 June 2014

Tsukis Birth Story

This all feels like a really long time ago, but I felt it made sense to include some of our history on this blog.
(This is Tsukis birth story, written just after she was born)

Getting pregnant was a bit of a trauma for David and I, I have PCOS so it was difficult and I had to have interventions. It was only really Metformin, but the tests and exams I had to have weren`t pleasant and I could have quite happily lived without them. So when we finally found out we were expecting it was amazing. I cried alot, happy tears, but also relieved tears. I started planning the labour I wanted, I`d kind of always known the plan anyway. But I wanted
  • Natural delivery
  • In the ‘Birth Place’, a midwife led unit in the hospital
  • Minimal drugs, TENS machine with Gas and Air
  • Active Labour, I wanted to be able to move around
  • No Epidural
  • No C-Section
  • Breastfeeding for 6 months if possible
This is not what I got.
I got to 41 weeks and went to my midwife for my antenatal appointment, everything seemed to be going well and then while she was trying to listen to Tsukis heartbeat she said that it was dipping and sent us up to the hospital for some monitoring. We went up and sat hooked up to the monitors for a couple of hours, Tsuki sounded like a howler monkey but they said she was fine and booked my induction for 41+4 (Sunday) as she didnt appear to be shifting and I was only 1cm dialated.
Although I now realise at that point I was already in slow labour.
Saturday evening and Sunday morning I was having contractions on and off. My parents had arrived so it was nice to have that extra bit of support.
The hospital rang at lunchtime on Sunday and said there was space for us now so we made our way in and were placed in triage. The midwife hooked me up to the monitors again and Tsuki was fine, no problems. The midwife came back and was preparing me for having to have a pessary and how long it was all going to take until she did an exam and found that I was already ready to have my waters broken. Which she tried to do.
I was expecting a gush but….nothing really happened. They sent me for a walk and then popped me back on the monitors (I hated the monitors by this point).
After a little while longer on the monitors I had a midwife change and I was taken to the delivery suite as they were going to start me on Pitocin and put me on constant monitoring. (Great! ¬.¬) I did manage to get a shower first though.
I had 2 midwifes, one with the same name as my daughter to be and the other shared my birthday. It was very weird. The large, brisk, downright bloody rude midwife/trainee/idiot attempted to put a canular in my hand and made a complete mess of it, she wasnt wearing gloves, she didnt wash her hands, there was blood gushing out of my arm and she didnt even apologize. It is now 2 weeks since and I still have a bruised hand! The other midwife then did a hack job on my other hand so I had to have my IV in my right hand which wasnt ideal.
The Pitocin started.
At first it was OK, (I have no idea of timescales) but I think it was late afternoon when the contractions really started to kick in. I finally gave in and started on the gas and air (to be honest, I`d kind of forgotten I could have pain meds for the contractions).  Gas and Air is AWESOME! Apparently I had the midwifes laughing as I kept moaning my eyes were dizzy (I`d had another midwife change by now).
Then the contractions got REALLY bad. I heard someone mention that Tsuki was back to back with me, which made alot of sense as all the pain I had been feeling was in my back.
I rememeber 2 or 3 contractions very vividly, it felt like Tsuki`s head was ripping its way out of my back passage. I started screaming and crying, begging for a epidural or a c-section, anything to get her out of me. David waited for me to calm a little and made sure it was what I really really wanted as I`d been so adament that I didnt want one before. But I knew I couldnt carry on as I was. I appreciated him making me think about it though, he`d actually listened to what I wanted!
They did an exam and I was still only 5cm dialated. I needed to push, and was pushing, I couldnt help it, so they decided I couldnt go on like this as Tsuki`s head and my cervix would get damaged, and got the doctor to give me an epidural.
Oh my god!
They were having problems with the monitor or something (I lost alot of details with the gas & air and tiredness) and they couldn’t tell is Tsuki was in distress. They got me in some stirrups on my side and took blood through Tsukis head.
At this point it was around midnight and I was exhausted so I sent mum home and David and I got some sleep while the epidural was working well. I slipped in and out of sleep and at one point I remember being sick. I think they gave me some anti-nausea drugs.
At about not long before 5am I was awoken by the doctor and my midwifes all standing over my bed. They said that they still werent sure if Tsuki was OK and that theyd run out of the equipment needed to take more blood to check her oxygen levels, they were going to examine me and if I was ready I was going to start pushing and if I wasnt then I was going for an emergency c-section. I was only 7cm dialated. It felt like such a blow! I`d been working so hard for so long and my last chance of having it anything like I wanted was being snatched away.
David and I went into panic mode, I rang dad quickly and managed to let them know what was happening at that they`d be able to visit at 9am. Very quickly we were being rolled in the theatre. I got really upset. Everything was moving so quickly around me and I had no control over anything. In a flash I was hooked up to all the machines and medications, they lifted little walls up on the sides of the trolley so I couldnt flail my arms as I was shaking uncontrollably. I felt so heavy pulling, whih despite being told it wouldnt be painful, was very painful. I held my breath waiting to hear her, then she gurgled and immediatly got the hiccups. I didnt see her as they took her straight to a table behind me and started suctioning stuff out of her throat so she could breathe properly.
David got a bit weepy.
Then they started trying to stitch me up. The epidural wasnt working and I was in too much pain so they had to give me all sorts of drugs. They helped, but it still hurt. David held Tsuki while they were working and I cried alot because I couldnt touch her, or see her really. I threw up again.
They were starting to consider putting me under a general to get the stitches finished but I decided to man up hrough it as I didnt want to have to wait any longer before meeting my daughter.
FINALLY, they wheeled me out of theatre and I met Tsuki in recovery. I wept. I tried to get her on the boob but she wasnt really having any of it.
Over the next couple of days I managed to get her to take a few ml of breastmilk but by the time I left hospital it was just too much and we switched to formula. We left hospital on the tuesday as I had a paddy and decided I was going to discharge myself, they managed to make me stay for a day but then I went home. I recover better at home, at least here I can sleep.

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