An attempt at cooking

Im not sure if Ive mentioned this, but Im not a chef, nor a cook. I like to bake but I rarely take a trip into savoury territory, barring spaghetti or shepherds pie. But I saw This Post from LouLouLoves and it looked so lovely that I thought I`d give it a go!
Now, this is a household of PICKY eaters, every one of us is picky. So I decided that I would do a base of cheese and bacon then add in some extras for me and Tsuki (Pastrami, pepperami, mushrooms).

(Yes my house is super messy!)
I ate all mine, it was YUMMY, although next time I wouldnt use extra mature cheddar as it was a bit over powering. Tsuki had a nibble which is normal for lunchtime and David said it was 'nice' which is fairly good :)
Next on the list is to find the receipe for Toad in the Hole that I made a while ago because David is pestering me like a toddler to make it for him!

Stating the obvious - Its really warm!

We've been staying at home as much as possible this week really, for one thing its been super hot, but also because Tsuki is potty training. She is doing amazingly well! We started on Monday, since then shes only had a few accidents, she did her first poo on the potty today without it ending up on the floor which was amazing! Tonight she has gone to bed without a nappy on, on the one hand Im over the moon but on the other it point a big light on the fact that she isnt a baby any more. Shes getting so big!
Today we went to a fundraising event which our friend organised, it was to raise money for the Muscular Dystrophy Campaign. I have to admit, I was a little nervous to go, especially in this heat as I get really easily flustered, but it was lovely in the end. Very family/pet friendly pub, everyone LOVED the kids and Tsuki got totally spoilt. I donated a bunny for the raffle and I think a couple of people took my details to order one if they didnt win it! lol
But yeah, I dont like hot weather!

Sibling love

I really hope these two have a good relationship as they get older, right now they are the best of friends. Tsuki loves kissing and cuddlings with Kaison, Kaisons face lights up when Tsuki smiles at him and he watches her all the time. Its so nice to see. But Im so worried that they will become competitive or mean, or both.
I say this because I had/have a....difficult relationship with my brother. I wont go into why but I do. I just want them to be more like David and his siblings, maybe its because theres loads of kids on Davids side? They all have multiple siblings, I guess theres more chance of having siblings you get on with if theres more of the right?
I want them to be the sort of brother and sister that call each other just for a chat, that remember each others birthdays, that are KIND to each other. I sort of want to pause time on thier relationship right now, keep it like this, just like this.

Photos from our week

 My beautiful boy is getting so big!

 Order of the week? TANTRUMS

 At least she loves him

 Tsukis flowers are FINALLY beginning to grow! (I was worried my 'green thumb' had finished them off)

These two though, just look at em!

Trial by IKEA

Its always the way isnt it? IKEA is the one place that you go to knowing that your going to have a terrible time. 

Today was no different.

After getting Kaison weighed this morning we mooched around a bit until after lunch, cleaned up and got some laundry done. Then I remembered that I had wanted to go to IKEA today and buy the cot for Kaison instead of spending hours on ebay trying to find one. So we got sorted and left. It should only take us 20-25 minutes to get to Lakeside and thats even accounting for traffic on the Dartford Crossing. But NOPE. Over an hour sat in hot sweaty traffic because there had been an accident.

So we arrived and I continued to sit in a hot sweaty car while I fed Kaison.

Then we made our way inside and Tsuki had a brilliant time sitting on all the chairs (ALLLLLL the chairs) and playing in the childrens area.

Before I show you what we bought, I`d like to say at this point that I gave David the measurements for the packages. He went to the car with a tape measure. What he didnt do was measure how big THE GAP is TO GET THE STUFF IN THE BOOT. Which is kind of an essential thing when trying to fit large things in the boot. So in the end we had to take both the childrens seats out of the car and move them around in order to fold down one of the seats and wedge the stuff into the car. We had our dinner (mcdonalds) in the car because everything would fall out if we opened the door! It took us an hour to load the car up, lots of swearing was involved, and broken nails, and tantrums from a hot/bored/hungry Tsuki.

Personally I think it was worth it though :)

So, the main thing we bought was the cot. Its the cheapest cot that IKEA have, but actually, it feels really study.

 

Next was the mattress, we tested the mattresses while we were there and agreed that the cheapest felt a little too cheap. So we went for the 2nd cheapest ;)

 

 Initially we had planned to buy the cot quilt they have for £8 but I picked the wrong one up and we didnt realised until we got to the cheackout (and by that time there was no hope of us going back) so we got this one. Which is actually lovely as it has stars on it :)

 

And a pillow

 

Nicely priced basics

 A really sweet cover set

 

Ive been saying to David for ages that I wanted to get Tsuki a mat with roads on for her bedroom. We saw this today and it was just perfect, and only a tenner! She chose this one from the others they had. Now I just need to get her some more cars to play with.

 

 So yeah, a hot, sweaty, stressful and expensive afternoon for us! But look at his face!

365 projects galore!

Because Im one of those annoying people that has millions of photos, in folders, nicely organised, I thought I`d share the kids 365 photos here. The do have thier own blogs too Tsuki365 & Kaison365 :)

Tsuki 365 v3 (so far)



























Tsuki 365 v2

Tsuki 365 v1

Kaison 365 (so far)

I adore these projects, you can really see the progression in thier faces etc. Plus its awesome because each photo I look at I can remember what we were doing that day.

Confessional A-Z

Inspired by this post from Just A Normal Mummy (if you dont read her blog, you should, shes hilarious), here is my confessional A-Z as a mum of a toddler and a newborn.

A: is for Advice, no matter how much you dont want/need it, your going to get lots of it. Family, friends, online acquaintances, even strangers will suddenly want to offload all thier parenting ideals onto you. Heaven forbid you dont follow thier advice (how rude you are!) and be prepared for the plentiful 'I told you so's' when things go tits up.
B: is for Breastfeeding, or my toddler screaming BOOBS around Asda, or the funny looks I get in the cafe as my newborn decides that he wants to do acrobatic breastfeeding today and flails around while his lips are firmly planted across my nipple (See: Niplash)
C: is for Coffee, Because otherwise you wouldnt make it through the day.
D: is for Dinnertime, otherwise known as 'Battle of the chicken nuggets'. I commend any of you mothers that have the energy to cook healthy nutrious meals all the time. Im violently jealous if your child actually eats them. Ive lost count of all the beautiful meals Ive scraped into the bin because little madam wanted a cheesestring and a bag of crisps.
E: is for Early Mornings, which is a 'nice' way of saying that you arent going to sleep properly for about 5 years, add more time if you have another child. Its like slow torture.
F: is for Fuck/Bollocks/Bastard/Crap/Twat etc, its still funny when they say it. But you have to keep a straight face. DO NOT LAUGH.
G: is for Gullible, If anyone is daft enough to offer babysitting services, TAKE THEM UP ON IT. So long as the children arent on fire when you get home, consider them your best friend.
H: is for How things used to be, no matter how shit it was, you`ll find yourself sometimes pining after those long ago days when you were just you. Not a mum. Not a cook/cleaner/dairy cow. They will never be like that again.
I: is for In a minute, every time I say it I hope and pray that she understand its true meaning (bog off for a few minutes while I quietly rock myself sane), but it never works.
J: is for Just one more time, its never the last time. Never. Prepare for a tantrum EVERY time you want to cease an activity your child likes. I have been known to literally drag my child out of a park while she clug onto the gate with a scary amount of strength.
K: is for Keep Out, or rather, not. Privacy is a thing of the past. Need a wee? Have an audience. Need a shit? Dolly will have to come watch too. Giving birth? Oh, heres some stirrups and 10 student midwifes so stare intently at your expanding vagina.
L: is for Laundry, and how is NEVER ENDS. Just did 6 loads of washing, hung it out to dry and then put it all away (I dont even own an ironing board so no, I dont iron)? Hah, heres another full laundry basket, oh wait, the baby puked, more to wash, wait wait, the toddler decided she wanted to bathe in pasta sauce fully dressed, enjoy.
M: is for Mummy, we all know it, you spend months and months trying to get them to say that special magical word, then they do and its amazing. Until you realise that now you cant stop them saying it. It will be the soundtrack of your life for the next few years. Get used to it.
N: is for Niplash, baby interested in something while feeding, dont expect them to be polite and drop the nip before they whip thier neck around to have a nosy, nope, they`ll take that fucker with them.
O: is for Other half, Im sure there are some decent ones out there, rare mystical beasts. But most of us are lumbered with a overgrown child that enevitably makes more work for us in the long run.
P: is for Peppa Fucking Pig, good lord do I despise that self-important whiny little bitch. I swear if I hear "More Peppa Pig please mummy" one more time (especially after 3 straight hours of it) I might track down the creator and burn them at the stake as a witch.
Q: is for Quiet time, and how it doesnt fucking exist.
R: is for Rushed, you always used to have so much time for everything. Now everything is rushed, all your activities must be squeezed into the 3 minute gap you have when you wake up before the toddler realises your awake.
S: is for Social life, not.gonna.happen. same goes for Sleep.
T: is for Tantrums, currently the bane of my life. One day you have this wonderful hysterical little child. The next they wake up like they have taken training direct from the devil. Screaming and bashing thier fists into the ground. Take my aunties advice, if your out with a friend, turn to them and loudly say 'GOD, CANT YOU CONTROL YOUR CHILDREN' and walk out.
U: is for Uniform, not school uniform. Mummy uniform. Usually consisting of dirty jeans/leggings. Dirty baggy tshirt/vest. Trainers or boots you had to dig jammy bread out of before you put them on. Brushing your hair is a luxury of the past. Make-up is a distant memory.
V: is for Vacuuming, its pointless, they`ll make the mess again in 3 seconds flat.
W: is for Window Licker, WHY must my child have to be a window licker? Cannot deal with any more spit trails across my windows.
X: is for X-rated, also, never gonna happen.
Y: is for Yeah sure, why not. For when you`ve given up. Because you will. After you toddler has asked you 16 million times that day if they can paint thier bedroom with glitter glue and spit. Eventually you`ll break and then out it comes. Yeah sure, why not. If only so you get 30 seconds to yourself before they start gagging on the glitter.
Z: is for Zombie, a toddler and a newborn is likely to suck all of the life out of you. No sleep, constantly cleaning or wrestling with a tantrumming toddler, its enough to turn anyone into a flesh-eating monster.

Kaisons Birth Story

How different two pregnancies/labours can be!
After Tsukis birth we wanted a homebirth, I stuck to this plan up until 39 weeks.
Kaison was perfectly healthy all throughout the pregnancy, he was just awkward. At 32 weeks we had a scan and they told us he was breech. We tried all manner of exercises and whatnot to try and move him but he wasnt budging.
At 39 weeks we had an ECV to try and manually turn him but 2 consultants were unable to get him to turn. At this point we became worried about birthing at home so we agreed to a hospital birth so long as it could be in the midwife led unit.
Kaison decided he was comfy and stayed put, at 40+14 we went to hospital for an induction. We sat around for a while, we had a CTG which was perfect and discussed at length with the consultant the plan of the day. As I was so far overdue we agreed to forgo the midwife unit and birth on the delivery suite. It was scary as it felt like we were having a re-run of everything with Tsuki.
I had an internal exam and the midwife was a bit unsure so another midwife came and check and they said Kaison was lying ‘oblique’.
After that at 4.20pm we had a scan and they confirmed that he was lying oblique/transverse and said we would need to come in on the 4th for a c-section.
I was beyond gutted. I cried, then spent a long time being silent. I was angry. I decided not to stay in hospital as they suggested but instead to go home and try and get some rest.
We went home and I was having what I felt were the same old false labour pains but they didn’t go away, I tried to sleep but they were getting worse and at about midnight I woke david up and said I couldnt cope with the pain.
12.05am we rang the hospital and they told us to go straight to the delivery suite. The drive to the hospital was filled with me having contractions and screaming then us laughing at how crazy the situation was.
By 1.20am we were in the delivery room and being scanned, they confirmed kaison had turned back to breech and that we could try for a natural delivery! They examined me and I was 4cm with a ‘soft and stretchy’ cervix. We were moved to the birth pool and it was nice to be able to float around but it wasn’t helping alot with the pain.

At 2.41am I told them I wanted to push, they checked me and I was about 7cm.
At 2.50am the urge to push became stronger. They checked me again and I was 7-8cm and my waters were ‘bulging’.
2.57am the decision was made to transfer me to theatre so I begrudgingly got out of the pool. They moved us to the room I laboured with tsuki in.
3.10am I was having intense almost constant contractions.
3.15am I was checked, 8cm and waters still intact.
3.27am I wasnt coping well with the pain so the decision was made to transfer to theatre now and break waters. They said about a spinal and I signed the consent forms.
3.33am waters were broke and meconium present.
Past this point we dont have anymore notes so this part is from memory. There wasnt enough time to get a gown on me or a spinal in as by the time they got me to surgery I was pushing. There were alot of people in the theatre, the usual drs and nurses plus specialist registrar, consultant and loads of students. My midwife came with us and she was so lovely, she kept making the drs give me a pause from pushing so I could have a puff of gas and air and she got me a drink as I wasnt on any fluids, she held my hand and it made a massive difference.
They got me on the bed and strapped my legs into the stirrups. There was a cervical lip which they managed to push out of the way. I was struggling to deliver his buttocks so I was given an episiotomy. After that I managed to get his body out, I could feel him moving around and pooing on everyone. His heartrate became fast and erratic and I couldnt get his head out quick enough so they did some manual manoeuvres to assist him. It was at this point that the pain was too intense and I literally started trying to kill people. They are lucky they strapped me down. But something in my brain remembered that if I just get him out all the pain will stop. 2 pushes later and he was out! He was cold because his body had been hanging out of me for so long so they put him under the heater for a while and then he was placed on my chest. I couldnt stop smiling :)

Tsukis Birth Story

This all feels like a really long time ago, but I felt it made sense to include some of our history on this blog.
(This is Tsukis birth story, written just after she was born)

Getting pregnant was a bit of a trauma for David and I, I have PCOS so it was difficult and I had to have interventions. It was only really Metformin, but the tests and exams I had to have weren`t pleasant and I could have quite happily lived without them. So when we finally found out we were expecting it was amazing. I cried alot, happy tears, but also relieved tears. I started planning the labour I wanted, I`d kind of always known the plan anyway. But I wanted

• Natural delivery
• In the ‘Birth Place’, a midwife led unit in the hospital
• Minimal drugs, TENS machine with Gas and Air
• Active Labour, I wanted to be able to move around
• No Epidural
• No C-Section
• Breastfeeding for 6 months if possible

This is not what I got.
I got to 41 weeks and went to my midwife for my antenatal appointment, everything seemed to be going well and then while she was trying to listen to Tsukis heartbeat she said that it was dipping and sent us up to the hospital for some monitoring. We went up and sat hooked up to the monitors for a couple of hours, Tsuki sounded like a howler monkey but they said she was fine and booked my induction for 41+4 (Sunday) as she didnt appear to be shifting and I was only 1cm dialated.
Although I now realise at that point I was already in slow labour.
Saturday evening and Sunday morning I was having contractions on and off. My parents had arrived so it was nice to have that extra bit of support.
The hospital rang at lunchtime on Sunday and said there was space for us now so we made our way in and were placed in triage. The midwife hooked me up to the monitors again and Tsuki was fine, no problems. The midwife came back and was preparing me for having to have a pessary and how long it was all going to take until she did an exam and found that I was already ready to have my waters broken. Which she tried to do.
I was expecting a gush but….nothing really happened. They sent me for a walk and then popped me back on the monitors (I hated the monitors by this point).
After a little while longer on the monitors I had a midwife change and I was taken to the delivery suite as they were going to start me on Pitocin and put me on constant monitoring. (Great! ¬.¬) I did manage to get a shower first though.
I had 2 midwifes, one with the same name as my daughter to be and the other shared my birthday. It was very weird. The large, brisk, downright bloody rude midwife/trainee/idiot attempted to put a canular in my hand and made a complete mess of it, she wasnt wearing gloves, she didnt wash her hands, there was blood gushing out of my arm and she didnt even apologize. It is now 2 weeks since and I still have a bruised hand! The other midwife then did a hack job on my other hand so I had to have my IV in my right hand which wasnt ideal.
The Pitocin started.
At first it was OK, (I have no idea of timescales) but I think it was late afternoon when the contractions really started to kick in. I finally gave in and started on the gas and air (to be honest, I`d kind of forgotten I could have pain meds for the contractions).  Gas and Air is AWESOME! Apparently I had the midwifes laughing as I kept moaning my eyes were dizzy (I`d had another midwife change by now).
Then the contractions got REALLY bad. I heard someone mention that Tsuki was back to back with me, which made alot of sense as all the pain I had been feeling was in my back.
I rememeber 2 or 3 contractions very vividly, it felt like Tsuki`s head was ripping its way out of my back passage. I started screaming and crying, begging for a epidural or a c-section, anything to get her out of me. David waited for me to calm a little and made sure it was what I really really wanted as I`d been so adament that I didnt want one before. But I knew I couldnt carry on as I was. I appreciated him making me think about it though, he`d actually listened to what I wanted!
They did an exam and I was still only 5cm dialated. I needed to push, and was pushing, I couldnt help it, so they decided I couldnt go on like this as Tsuki`s head and my cervix would get damaged, and got the doctor to give me an epidural.
Oh my god!
They were having problems with the monitor or something (I lost alot of details with the gas & air and tiredness) and they couldn’t tell is Tsuki was in distress. They got me in some stirrups on my side and took blood through Tsukis head.
At this point it was around midnight and I was exhausted so I sent mum home and David and I got some sleep while the epidural was working well. I slipped in and out of sleep and at one point I remember being sick. I think they gave me some anti-nausea drugs.
At about not long before 5am I was awoken by the doctor and my midwifes all standing over my bed. They said that they still werent sure if Tsuki was OK and that theyd run out of the equipment needed to take more blood to check her oxygen levels, they were going to examine me and if I was ready I was going to start pushing and if I wasnt then I was going for an emergency c-section. I was only 7cm dialated. It felt like such a blow! I`d been working so hard for so long and my last chance of having it anything like I wanted was being snatched away.
David and I went into panic mode, I rang dad quickly and managed to let them know what was happening at that they`d be able to visit at 9am. Very quickly we were being rolled in the theatre. I got really upset. Everything was moving so quickly around me and I had no control over anything. In a flash I was hooked up to all the machines and medications, they lifted little walls up on the sides of the trolley so I couldnt flail my arms as I was shaking uncontrollably. I felt so heavy pulling, whih despite being told it wouldnt be painful, was very painful. I held my breath waiting to hear her, then she gurgled and immediatly got the hiccups. I didnt see her as they took her straight to a table behind me and started suctioning stuff out of her throat so she could breathe properly.
David got a bit weepy.
Then they started trying to stitch me up. The epidural wasnt working and I was in too much pain so they had to give me all sorts of drugs. They helped, but it still hurt. David held Tsuki while they were working and I cried alot because I couldnt touch her, or see her really. I threw up again.
They were starting to consider putting me under a general to get the stitches finished but I decided to man up hrough it as I didnt want to have to wait any longer before meeting my daughter.
FINALLY, they wheeled me out of theatre and I met Tsuki in recovery. I wept. I tried to get her on the boob but she wasnt really having any of it.
Over the next couple of days I managed to get her to take a few ml of breastmilk but by the time I left hospital it was just too much and we switched to formula. We left hospital on the tuesday as I had a paddy and decided I was going to discharge myself, they managed to make me stay for a day but then I went home. I recover better at home, at least here I can sleep.

Tsuki loves the outdoor life

 Oh boy does she love to be outside! Every opportunity she gets shes out there. Every knock on the door or foray into the yard to hang the washing up is a chance for her to get into the 'fresh' air. David and I are home bunnies, we are the people that arrive at someones home and immediately ask what thier wifi code is. But Tsuki has made us re-evaluate and change how we spend our days. Now we go for walks, explore new parks and visit old favourites. We drive for miles to find somewhere new and exciting for her to explore. We may not always want to but I guess thats what parenting is all about, doing things you kind of dont want to for the good of your children. We know that Tsuki would be bored stiff if we stayed inside all the time like WE would like to. We spent last week visiting my family in the Midlands and Tsuki took full advantage of the nice weather! She was happily playing in her nannis garden and helping herself to strawberries straight off the plant. She also had loads of fun shouting at pidgeons and birdies with her nana. Sometimes I may wish that she would be happy to sit down and watch a 5 minute tv show let alone a movie, but I think really that Im glad she can find so much joy in just leaving the house!